hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
