If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
