I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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