its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
