Need sex. Gaining weight.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
