i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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