i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Are we still banned from the library?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
