Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
