I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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