dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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