You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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