smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
