The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
