he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
