hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
