I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
