I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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