you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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