I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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