she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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