We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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