Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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