The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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