I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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