he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
