my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
