I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize