Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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