There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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