i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
