Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize