im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
