I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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