Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize