ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
