I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
