I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize