What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
