just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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