this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
