Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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