Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize