We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
