made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
