We won't sleep together?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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