Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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