hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
