I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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