Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
