Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
