The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize