Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
