i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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