i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
