I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
