Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize