i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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