I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
