how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
