you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
