Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
