I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
