Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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