Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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