why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
