he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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