I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We need to get me chipped asap
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
