how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
