he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
