yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
