New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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