I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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