no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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